May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
