with your own penis?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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