can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
