Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
