Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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