my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
