your thong is hanging out like whoa
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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