He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
