Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
