is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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