it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
