I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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