dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
