if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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