Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
