God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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