I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
