direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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