Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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