first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
