So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
