please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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