How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
