That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
