In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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