I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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