Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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