I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
