Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
