i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
