Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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