I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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