two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
