I would go down on you faster than GM stock
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
