I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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