Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
