Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
