I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so explain again why im purple
no
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
