highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
