I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i would punch a child for taco bell
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize