I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
