Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
