why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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