Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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