I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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