FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
