I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
