i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
