Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
