It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
