He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
