My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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