I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
