oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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