i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
