I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
