Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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