Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
