he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It's blow job season.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
