her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
