Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
