Your mouth is God's brothel.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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