Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
