I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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