I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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