If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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