Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
