You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
