Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
nutella sex= disaster
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
